Words About Things

A woman has been arrested after attacking the world’s most famous painting in front of shocked onlookers. The woman threw a mug at the Mona Lisa causing screams from nearby tourists at the Louvre Museum in Paris. The woman who was said to be a Russian Tourist was handed over to police after being tackled by security guards. The painting was unharmed as it is kept behind a display case made from bullet proof glass.

This is not the first time someone has tried to damage the Mona Lisa, in fact it has been a target on several occasions. In 1956 acid was thrown the painting and a rock was thrown at it later in the same year.

It has been suggested that the Russian tourist who has yet to be named may have been suffering from Stendhal syndrome. The syndrome, which was named after the french author Stendhal (Marie-Henri Beyle), can cause those viewing great works of art to become overwhelmed although this does not always result in violent outbursts.

Have you every wondered how long it is possible to stay in a Sauna that was heated to 110 degrees Celsius? Me neither but somebody in Finland did. The Sauna world championships took place in in Heinola 86 miles north of Helsinki last week and the results are in.

The Finnish people are officially the world’s best at staying in a very hot shed without passing out. Timo Kaukonen managed 3 minutes 45 seconds before leaping into the snow shouting ‘sod this my brain is boiling’ in Finnish. The womens champion was Tatyana Arkhipenko from Russia who managed 3 minutes and 9 seconds. Unfortunately she was unable to collect her prize as she was mistaken for a plate of steamed spinach after the event and was eaten by a spectator.

Unsurprisingly team GB was absent from the event due to nobody here actually having a Sauna to practice in. I can manage about 2 minutes in a hot bath so if nobody can do any better I’m going to consider myself our national champion and take part next year. My ‘Finland sucks’ tattoo will guarantee that I will be the first to cross the Finnish.

My jogging route often takes me past a field of Bulls. I always give them a wide birth just in case one decides to kick me. I picture myself having to drag myself back to the nearest house with a broken leg regretting having worn red shorts. Other than that the only other animal related danger I would expect to face would be tripping over an overenthusiastic Labrador or being chased by a Swan.

‘I shouted at it, making as much noise as I could and instinctively covered my face with my hands.’

Apparently I should also bee keeping an eye out for Buzzards. A man called Paul Powell was jogging near his home near Cheltenham in Gloucestershire when he felt a sharp pain at the back of his head. He turned to see a Buzzard with a 4′ wingspan circling in preparation to strike again. Paul managed to fight of the enraged bird but not before sustaining four wounds to his head.

Experts have said that the Buzzards was most likely trying to protect its young. Paul has decided to change his route although I would also recommend wearing a tin foil hat.

‘All birds will defend their nests, but it is extremely unusual for a buzzard to attack a human being. We would recommend avoiding the area for a few weeks until the young have left.’

RSPB spokesman Peter Exley