Words About Things

Britain is on a national state of alert as the temperature soars past 20°C. Prime Minister Brown is urging the public not to panic despite the shocking conditions.  Mr Brown has declared a yellow alert and warned about the dangers of exposing oneself to the sun unprotected. It has been three years since Britain last experienced a summer so the hot weather has lead to a lot of confusion and fear. The M.O.D have received hundreds of calls about a strange bright light hovering above various cities around the country.

Some areas of Scotland are thought to have thawed out almost completely with local residents having to take off their second coat for the first time in years. In London the public transport system has ground to a halt with tube trains melting on the tracks. Overland trains have not been in service since the big freeze over the winter.

Pale limbs are being exposed to the sun around the country and sales of socks and sandals are booming. England football shirts are being removed and Burberry caps loosened in job centre queues up and down this fair isle. The number of car crashes is rising steadily as men stare in disbelief at the shocking amount of female flesh on display.

Meteorologists have warned that this heatwave may last up to several days and there are fears that it will not rain until Thursday afternoon.

To the beach!

1. Throwing rain at people just seems mean.

2. You still have to go to work if it rains (in the UK 1 inch of snow is enough to prevent you from traveling to work).

3. You can’t build anything out of rain.

4. Snow looks cool, rain looks like water falling from the sky.

5. Making a rain angel is difficult.

As it begins to get colder and the decorations start to go up our thoughts turn to plans for Christmas day. How best to visit everybody (and potentially get Christmas dinner at each house) and how to make sure you aren’t the one who ends up driving (start drinking first). It’s also the time of year when the bookies start paying close attention to the weather reports for the annual White Christmas bet.

Even those who play online poker and online casino take a break from calculating their stats to weigh up the odds of snow. Sport betting fans look back at the weather’s latest form and horse betting fans actually want bad weather for once.

The BBC Weather site is forecasting widespread rain but they say that everyday (and they’re right most of the time) although I suspect that this is based on pessimism rather than meteorological expertise. Bet365 is offering odds of 3/1 for Glasgow to see snow on Christmas day and 13/8 for Oslo. London has odds of 13/8 for snow and Birmingham 5/1.