Words About Things

Some thieves steal money by placing complicated card skimming devices and miniature cameras on cash points and waiting for unsuspecting victims to reveal their details. Some even try to remove the entire ATM in the hope that they will be able to open it elsewhere. Most just use the old fashioned technique of distraction to grab what they can. Often gangs will tap a person on the shoulder and ask for directions before lunging at the notes or watch them entering their PIN before snatching their card.

This is why everyone seems so paranoid at cash points, looking over their shoulders and eyeing others with suspicion. Someone came up to me recently, whilst I was suing an ATM, to tell me about a gig he thought I might be interested in (because of the t-shirt I was wearing) and I almost ran away!

A pair of thieves in Paris have come up with a cunning new way of distracting their victims in order to get their hands on their cash: using their feminine charms. The unsuspecting victim was entering his PIN when one of the women flashed her breasts at him. The second woman put her hands on the man’s crotch whilst stealing his cash.

beware!

The thieves took 300 euros and left the victim shaken before departing at speed. CCTV from the areas shows two women fleeing the scene of the crime. A French police spokesman has warned the public to be vigilant: “We would advise anyone withdrawing cash from a machine to focus on what they are doing and not allow themselves to be distracted, however attractive the view”.

The women are described as good looking women in their early twenties. French police are now on the look out for an attractive pair hanging around cash points.

Hello and welcome to lesson 1 of How to Drive like a Parisian, during today’s session I will explain some of the basics of French driving from choosing your vehicle to use of the horn. Pay attention (or don’t) and you’ll be whizzing around the Arch de Triumph with gay abandon before you know it!

Step 1: Choosing your vehicle.

This isn’t as straight forward as you might think, not everybody drives a Citroen. Perhaps you might like a scooter (with or without motor) or a rental bike from the Vélib scheme. Other choices include a three wheeled scooter or a rental car if you aren’t bothered about getting your deposit back.

Step 2: Use of lanes.

Only kidding, there aren’t many lane marking in Paris and those which do exist are to be ignored – don’t let the government tell you where to drive!

Step 3: Pedestrian crossings.

Red lights at pedestrian crossings in Paris are entirely optional, if a person who is crossing looks particularly determined you might like to stop. If there are no pedestrians on the crossing keep going. In fact keep going is a good general rule, stopping is what the English do.

Step 4: Parking.

Any Parisian driver should be able to park his or her car in a space the exact same length as the vehicle. This skill cannot be taught it is just something the French are born with, the main thing to remember is not to hesitate or take any notice of the slack jawed tourists staring on in amazement.

C’était un rendez-vous is a1976 short film by Claude Lelouch that was shot in one take using a camera mounted on a car’s bumper. It is just over 8 minutes long (the length of a reel of 35mm film) and features some pretty nifty driving through the streets of Paris at well over 100mph. Lelouch was arrested after the film’s release although at the time he claimed it was not him driving the car but a F1 driver he knew. During the film the driver mounts the curb and drives the wrong way down one way streets as the sun rises over Paris. The car used was a Mercedes-Benz 450SEL although the poster for the film shows a Ferrari.

The film caused some controversy due to the reckless nature of the driving involved. The streets were not closed and it was more through luck than judgment that no pedestrians got hurt. It has been remastered and release on DVD but you can see it in it’s entirety below.