Words About Things

These are all real headlines about real stories – the kind of stories that make you spit out your morning coffee in disbelief.  Eight of the stories are online, two only made it into print the old fashioned way. Click the links to read the stories behind the headlines.

1. German Throws Puppy at Hells Angels Bikers Then Flees on Bulldozer

No need to flee, Hells Angels love puppies.

2. Clowns Protest Against Clown-Impersonating Armed Robbers

The only thing scarier than a clown is a clown with a sawn-off shotgun.

3. Tiger Wood’s Plays with Own Balls, Nike Says

If this was true Tiger would probably be in a lot less trouble than he is now.

4. SeaWorld Killer Killer Whale Must Die, Bible Insists

In the Whale’s defense its in his nature…

5. Armless Man Questioned After Deadly Fight

Warning: not all armless men are armless.

6. Ninjas Rescue Student From Muggers

Good to see Ninjas putting their powers to good use.

7. Kathy Myers Shot Herself to Get Medical Care

Does being completely insane count as a ‘pre-existing condition’?

8. Chatroulette to Include Penis-Recognition Software

2/3 of users unable to log in.

9. President Obama to Visit Ohio; 62-Foot Statue of Jesus Explodes

I’m worried that people in Ohio might take this as a sign…

10. USA Wins [World Cup Football Match] 1-1

The New York Post are as good at keeping score as Rob Green is at goalkeeping.

What today’s Video of the Week lacks in length it makes up for in hilarity. I don’t think any kind of explanation is needed just watch it and see…

Australian model Miranda Kerr has spoken out in defense of the Aussie banker caught ogling her photos on live television earlier this week. David Kiely of Macquarie Private Wealth was seen in the background of a news item looking at photos of Kerr much to his embarrassment. The video of the news item has been watched over 2 million times in the three days it has been on Youtube.

Kerr has voiced her support for Mr Kiely who she says should not be sacked: “I am told there is a petition to save his job and of course I would sign it,”. Despite reports of Mr Kiely being let go he is apparently still employed at Macquarie Private Wealth although he is thought to have been suspended whilst investigations take place. The fact that he was sent the photos via email suggests that he may have been set up by a workmate.

Various petitions and Facebook groups have sprung up in the banker’s defense and concerned viewers have been emailing the bank in order to try and protect his job. The photos in question from Miranda Kerr’s recent GQ feature are not that explicit so it is hoped that the filthy banker will be back at work soon.