Words About Things

With Halloween approaching it’s time to start thinking about your costume. Will you go for an old classic like a ghost or a vampire or something a little more creative? Given the mystifying popularity of Twilight vampires are now off limits and a ghost shows little effort. Girls will no doubt take this opportunity to dress as a sexy-witch or a sexy-zombie or in fact a sexy anything at all.

Here are some ideas for topical Halloween costumes, they won’t make any sense when you see the photos in a few years form now but they are ideal for right now.

1. Cigar Guy from the Tiger Woods photo.

This guy managed to get himself in a iconic photo dressed like an idiot and thus became popular on the internet. His costume, which seems to reference Grouch Marx, is apparently a tribute to Spanish golfer Miguel Angel Jimenez.

2. Chilean Miner.

This is probably the most straight forward costume to create as no one actually knows what the miners look like yet. Chances are they will be pale and dirty, perhaps just roll around in some coal dust and wear some sunglasses.

3. George Osbourne.

Another simple costume, all you need is a boring haircut and a cheap suit. Carry a scythe around to symbolize the forthcoming ‘cuts’ and your costume is complete.

4. Chloe Mafia.

Here’s a challenge girls: dress as a ‘sexy’ version of X Factor minger Chloe Mafia for Halloween.

5. Wheelie Bin Cat.

Remember that cat that was thrown in a wheelie bin by a mad old lady? This is great for girls who want to dress as a sexy-cat but be topical at the same time. You might need a friend to push your wheelie bin around so plan ahead.

As was expected George Osborne‘s first budget as Chancellor was not an easy pill to swallow. Few would envy Osborne’s task of cutting spending and increasing VAT whilst still trying to maintain some sort of popularity amongst voters. It was clear that some difficult decisions would need to be made in order to attempt to steer the country towards profitability once again. Mr Osbourne had stated that his budget would be ‘tough but fair’ although some thought that that might mean unfairly tough on some.

What is most clear is that we need to improve the state of the economy in a fast yet sustainable way. Corporations are turning to their  treasury management systems and finding that they don’t have enough funds to support the growth they need to achieve.  Individuals are finding that they are unable to save and afraid to spend.

The Chancellor has suggested that he will be able to cut borrowing from 10% of GDP to 1% within 5 years. The following measures where introduced in today’s budget:

1. VAT will rise from 17.5% to 20% in January 2011.

2. Duty on Alcohol, cigarettes and fuel will not rise.

3. Child benefits will be fixed for three years. Tax credits and housing benefits will be reduced.

4. Public sector worker earning over £21,000 will have their pay frozen.

All full list of changes can be found on the BBC’s Budget page.

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• Budget 2010: The cuts start here | Open thread (guardian.co.uk)
• Budget 2010: So now we know (bbc.co.uk)
• George Osborne squeeze lowers growth forecasts (independent.co.uk)

These are all real headlines about real stories – the kind of stories that make you spit out your morning coffee in disbelief.  Eight of the stories are online, two only made it into print the old fashioned way. Click the links to read the stories behind the headlines.

1. German Throws Puppy at Hells Angels Bikers Then Flees on Bulldozer

No need to flee, Hells Angels love puppies.

2. Clowns Protest Against Clown-Impersonating Armed Robbers

The only thing scarier than a clown is a clown with a sawn-off shotgun.

3. Tiger Wood’s Plays with Own Balls, Nike Says

If this was true Tiger would probably be in a lot less trouble than he is now.

4. SeaWorld Killer Killer Whale Must Die, Bible Insists

In the Whale’s defense its in his nature…

5. Armless Man Questioned After Deadly Fight

Warning: not all armless men are armless.

6. Ninjas Rescue Student From Muggers

Good to see Ninjas putting their powers to good use.

7. Kathy Myers Shot Herself to Get Medical Care

Does being completely insane count as a ‘pre-existing condition’?

8. Chatroulette to Include Penis-Recognition Software

2/3 of users unable to log in.

9. President Obama to Visit Ohio; 62-Foot Statue of Jesus Explodes

I’m worried that people in Ohio might take this as a sign…

10. USA Wins [World Cup Football Match] 1-1

The New York Post are as good at keeping score as Rob Green is at goalkeeping.