Words About Things

These are all real headlines about real stories – the kind of stories that make you spit out your morning coffee in disbelief.  Eight of the stories are online, two only made it into print the old fashioned way. Click the links to read the stories behind the headlines.

1. German Throws Puppy at Hells Angels Bikers Then Flees on Bulldozer

No need to flee, Hells Angels love puppies.

2. Clowns Protest Against Clown-Impersonating Armed Robbers

The only thing scarier than a clown is a clown with a sawn-off shotgun.

3. Tiger Wood’s Plays with Own Balls, Nike Says

If this was true Tiger would probably be in a lot less trouble than he is now.

4. SeaWorld Killer Killer Whale Must Die, Bible Insists

In the Whale’s defense its in his nature…

5. Armless Man Questioned After Deadly Fight

Warning: not all armless men are armless.

6. Ninjas Rescue Student From Muggers

Good to see Ninjas putting their powers to good use.

7. Kathy Myers Shot Herself to Get Medical Care

Does being completely insane count as a ‘pre-existing condition’?

8. Chatroulette to Include Penis-Recognition Software

2/3 of users unable to log in.

9. President Obama to Visit Ohio; 62-Foot Statue of Jesus Explodes

I’m worried that people in Ohio might take this as a sign…

10. USA Wins [World Cup Football Match] 1-1

The New York Post are as good at keeping score as Rob Green is at goalkeeping.

1. The State of Twitter – 25% of all Twitter users have no followers at all. Do these people actually tweet to nobody or are these abandoned accounts?

2. Heavy Metal Addiction – “A man in Sweden has been awarded disability benefits for his addiction to heavy metal. It means he’s also allowed to mosh along at work and take time off to go head banging at gigs.” Sounds more like an obsession than an addiction to me.

3. Google Street View’s UK coverage was recently expanded to include 96% of roads. This is now the most famous Seagull in the entire country.

4. NYC and Las Vegas from above, at night by photographer Jason Hawkes at Boston.com’s The Big Picture.

5. Another rude photo of French PM’s wife Carla Bruni goes up for sale tomorrow. The shot, taken by Helmut Newton is expected to sell for $7,500.

1. Giant Squid invade California. If you live in California be afraid, very afraid!

2. This kid has a very unfortunate name, no wonder he isn’t smiling.

3. Bad Brains – Banned in DC live at CBGB’s in 1982, Rastafarian hardcore punk at it’s best.

4. Serge Gainsbourg biopic soon to be released in the UK (we hope)

5. Bacon or Beer can? Hint: try with a Jamaican accent.