Words About Things

You’ve probably heard of the Burning Man festival that is held each year in the Black Rock Desert in Nevada. The event is famous for the giant statue that is built and burned each year and for being an entirely cash-free event with participants encouraged to give gifts in order to increase the community spirit.  It is also well known for the art cars which feature each year like the amazing example below:

Now there is a new festival/ party for those who like to go a little crazy in the desert: The Wasteland Weekend. This event has a post-apocalyptic, Mad Max theme and this year will feature three replica Mad Max cars as well as hundreds of other customized vehicles. It takes place in Soggy Dry Lake not far from Lucerne Valley in California.

Join the hundreds of fans coming from all over the the United States (and beyond) to gather in the Southern California desert. Set up camp at our wasteland compound, surrounded by specially-built sets. Costumes are required and post-apocalyptic campsites and vehicles are encouraged. Live for three days in a world pulled straight out of the Mad Max movies, beyond the grip of so-called civilization. Top DJs from all over will provide the soundtrack, fire dancers and bonfires will light up the night, and modified vehicles will shake the earth with their engines. Don’t miss it!

As the quote mentions costumes are required for all participants so you can’t just turn up in jeans. You’ll need a modified car in order to fit in also, no point turning up in your pristine hire car. For more information visit the Wasteland Weekend website.

We tend to forget about our waste once it has been um… dispensed with, flushing it away for someone else to deal with. But what if you could power your car with human waste thus reducing the amount of pollution you create and the amount of money you spend on driving?  Lots of cars in the UK currently run on liquid natural gas (LNG) but could compressed natural gas (CNG) be just as effective?

Wessex Water Plc are a water and sewage-treatment firm so they have access more human waste than they know what to do with, until now. They have recently had a Volkswagen Beetle converted to run on compressed natural gas from their Bristol sewage treatment works. They are running a six month trial to test the viability of powering their entire fleet from small cars right up to larger vans with natural gas.

The processing plant is already partially powered by electricity created from natural gas and Wessex Water even creates enough power to sell some back to the National Grid. Releasing biogas back into the atmosphere would be harmful as Methane is a ‘greenhouse’ gas so the company wanted to use the excess they created. They say the car runs well:

“We decided to power a vehicle on the gas offering a sustainable alternative to using fossil fuels which we so heavily rely on in the UK. If you were to drive the car you wouldn’t know it was powered by biogas as it performs just like any conventional car. It is probably the most sustainable car around.” – Mohammed Saddiq

Unfortunately powering cars using human created biogas is not an entirely scalable idea, it takes the combined output of 70 homes to create enough fuel to power the VW bug for 1 year. If you consider that most households have a least one car or van there just isn’t enough poo being produced.

Hello and welcome to lesson 1 of How to Drive like a Parisian, during today’s session I will explain some of the basics of French driving from choosing your vehicle to use of the horn. Pay attention (or don’t) and you’ll be whizzing around the Arch de Triumph with gay abandon before you know it!

Step 1: Choosing your vehicle.

This isn’t as straight forward as you might think, not everybody drives a Citroen. Perhaps you might like a scooter (with or without motor) or a rental bike from the Vélib scheme. Other choices include a three wheeled scooter or a rental car if you aren’t bothered about getting your deposit back.

Step 2: Use of lanes.

Only kidding, there aren’t many lane marking in Paris and those which do exist are to be ignored – don’t let the government tell you where to drive!

Step 3: Pedestrian crossings.

Red lights at pedestrian crossings in Paris are entirely optional, if a person who is crossing looks particularly determined you might like to stop. If there are no pedestrians on the crossing keep going. In fact keep going is a good general rule, stopping is what the English do.

Step 4: Parking.

Any Parisian driver should be able to park his or her car in a space the exact same length as the vehicle. This skill cannot be taught it is just something the French are born with, the main thing to remember is not to hesitate or take any notice of the slack jawed tourists staring on in amazement.

Do you think that the Hummer (previous holder of the title of the most obnoxious car ever) is subtle and a little bit feminine? Do you long for something more ridiculous with greater emissions? Do you want to be able to run over small children without even seeing them? Then I have just the vehicle for you!

The Knight XV by Conquest Vehicles (I swear I’m not making this up) is 20ft long and costs £323,000.  For that meager sum you get a ‘bespoke luxury armored vehicle’ capable of withstanding everything the modern world throws at it. Whilst you relax in luxury you can be assured that all the bullets fired in your direction will bounce off leaving barely a scratch. Sit back and enjoy a drink from the built in mini bar whilst watching Corrie on the 26 inch flat screen TV safe in the knowledge that any prospective car jackers can be squashed in an instant.

The Knight XV is a civilian version of the Armet Armored Vehicles Gurkha which is used by the US Army and contains several high tech security systems. Front and rear night vision cameras and a built in intercom system allow you to keep tabs on what is going on outside without the need to open the reinforced doors. Tinted windows mean that you can ignore passers by who stare in slack-jawed horror at your ride.

The Knight features “a 6.8 litre, V10 Ford engine capable of producing 400 horsepower and top speed of 100mph” along with an under vehicle blast protection system. All this will come in very handy when dropping the kids off at school or picking up some shopping. If your next door neighbors have a Lard Rover or a flashy van then imagine their face when you drive up in this abomination. You’ll have to be quick however as only 100 vehicles are being produced.