Britain on State of Alert After Temperature Soars to 20°C

Britain is on a national state of alert as the temperature soars past 20°C. Prime Minister Brown is urging the public not to panic despite the shocking conditions.  Mr Brown has declared a yellow alert and warned about the dangers of exposing oneself to the sun unprotected. It has been three years since Britain last experienced a summer so the hot weather has lead to a lot of confusion and fear. The M.O.D have received hundreds of calls about a strange bright light hovering above various cities around the country.

Some areas of Scotland are thought to have thawed out almost completely with local residents having to take off their second coat for the first time in years. In London the public transport system has ground to a halt with tube trains melting on the tracks. Overland trains have not been in service since the big freeze over the winter.

Pale limbs are being exposed to the sun around the country and sales of socks and sandals are booming. England football shirts are being removed and Burberry caps loosened in job centre queues up and down this fair isle. The number of car crashes is rising steadily as men stare in disbelief at the shocking amount of female flesh on display.

Meteorologists have warned that this heatwave may last up to several days and there are fears that it will not rain until Thursday afternoon.

To the beach!