It’s fairly standard for a band to disappear without trace these days if their first album doesn’t shift enough copies, in fact a lot of contracts have this built in, if your first album isn’t a hit then your second album doesn’t happen. Perhaps this rule isn’t as bad as it sounds after all most bands first album is their best and it’s all downhill from there. There are of course a few exceptions Radiohead (*cough* overrated *cough*) got better then peaked with either OK Computer or Kid A. Slint’s second album is a masterpiece which eclipsed their debut.

A lot of bands just seem to keep on shoving out albums every few years despite the fact that their creativity has long since died. Whether these bands stay together because of the money or are just too scarred to live in the real world there are a lot of them about. Here are 5 bands who should have given up whilst the going was good.

#1 Metallica.

In fairness to Metallica they have had two good eras. To begin with they were fast, brutal and compelling. Next they were epic, creative and inventive. Now they sue their fans for downloading their music, use awful artwork and bravely attempt to recreate the magic like an ageing couple going out for ‘date night’.

Solution: go back in time and retire after the black album. Or Load at the very latest.

#2 Oasis.

Oasis have written one albums worth of good songs in their lifetime and they stupidly put them all on one album. These days they are like a pub rock tribute to the Beatles. Having heard interviews with Noel he actually comes across as very clever and witty. Unfortunately you can’t really write songs about the drudgery of modern, working class life when you live in a castle in the countryside.

The solution: either try to copy The Beatles creative streak rather than just their riffs or just retire.

#3 The Rolling Stones

I actually kind of like the old folks in The Rolling Stones. They might not be innovative or vital anymore but they seem to put on a good show for old people with too much money. I think it is safe to say however that Georgia Jagger is the best thing to come out of Mick Jagger since the 80′s.

Solution: Everyone could stop going to their gigs but I doubt that would stop them.

#4 AFI.

AFI used to be a great punk band. True, they ripped of Misfits but at least they did it well. Their songs were epic and Davey Havok’s vocals were awesome in a very urgent sing along kind of way. I typed AFI into Youtube the other day to see if they were still going and I was confronted my this monstrosity:

I think the Youtube comment lol! sums it up best.

Solution: Go and listen to some Misfits and try to remember that you are a punk band not a boyband.

#5 Kate Nash.

Kate Nash isn’t exactly a band but she should definitely have split up, preferably before releasing her first album. I really don’t understand how anyone can sincerely sing the lyrics “You said I must eat so many lemons/ ’cause I am so bitter/ I said “I’d rather be with your friends mate, ’cause they are much fitter” especially in the style of a mockney teenage girl who has just had some kind of surgery on her mouth.

(I don’t know who this guy is but he has a point)

The solution: vocal chord-ectomy.

Tagged: afi, albums, entertainment, lists, mp3, Music