Ridden with inaccuracies, half truths, and plain old news.
Archive for December, 2009
Teen Flasher Hit By Distracted Driver
Dec 31st
A teenage girl in New Zealand is recovering after being hit by a car whilst flashing her breasts at passing motorists. The driver of the car was distracted by the sight of Cherelle Dudfield’s breasts and accidentally plowed into her. Ms Dudfield was fined $275 after the incident in Invercargill.
“I was stupid… Don’t get drunk and stand in the middle of the road and flash anyone ’cause it hurts when you get hit,”
The girl told the police that her friends had encouraged her to flash herself to oncoming motorists but she regretted her actions. After rolling over the bonnet of the car she hit the windshield and was lucky to escape serious injury. The Judge charged Ms Dudfield with ‘disorderly behavior’ and encouraged her to keep her attention grabbing breasts undercover.
Seal Found in Garden 18 Miles from the Sea
Dec 26th
A baby seal has been discovered in a garden in kent, 18 miles from the sea. It was found rolling around in the snow by Harriet Dwyer after swimming up the river Rother, which meets the English Channel at Rye. Harriet told her father who thought that perhaps she had been at the mulled wine.
“My daughter was out with our dog Jack in the snow when she came in and said ‘There’s a seal in the garden’. I said ‘No, it must be an otter’. We all went out and under the hedge was a seal looking quite chirpy and slithering around in the snow.”
”I went back indoors and rang the RSPCA and police. The seal made its way across the garden into the pond, where it sat happily staring out of the pond in an enchanting way with its eyes just above the water.”
The RSPCA took the young pup to the Mallydams Wood Wildlife Centre in Hastings and named him Gulliver. The seal had a tag indicating that he was from a rehabilitation centre at Ostend, Belgium.
Fear And Loathing On The Road
Dec 21st
Ever since I read Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas I have wanted to travel across America in an open topped sports car, seeing the film cemented this desire. I don’t plan on ingesting a car boot full of drugs but driving cross country really appeals to me. Unfortunately I don’t have an attorney to take with me but I’m sure I can improvise. Las Vegas is the obvious choice for a final destination in particular Circus Circus although if it’s anything like it is in the film I may have to make a hasty retreat.

There are plenty of great books and films which use the wide expanses of the American landscape and a backdrop to events. The great thing about a road movie is that the constant movement drives the action forward so there is never a dull moment. Jack Kerouac’s On The Road is another fine example, a vibrant narrative driven by a cross country journey in a beat up old Hudson. On The Road was written on one long roll of paper in a stream of consciousness style aided by large amounts of coffee, its physical dimensions referencing the endless highways which cross America horizontally.

I have always wanted to hire a car on one side of America and drive all the way across to the opposite coast stopping anywhere that seems interesting. I have even gone so far as to look into car hire in the USA to see if this is possible. Clearly this couldn’t be done in an ordinary car, it would need to be a convertible and preferably red, a Dodge Charger or a Ford Mustang would do fine.






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