Words About Things

A teenage girl in New Zealand is recovering after being hit by a car whilst flashing her breasts at passing motorists. The driver of the car was distracted by the sight of Cherelle Dudfield’s breasts and accidentally plowed into her.  Ms Dudfield was fined $275 after the incident in Invercargill.

“I was stupid… Don’t get drunk and stand in the middle of the road and flash anyone ’cause it hurts when you get hit,”

The girl told the police that her friends had encouraged her to flash herself to oncoming motorists but she regretted her actions. After rolling over the bonnet of the car she hit the windshield and was lucky to escape serious injury. The Judge charged Ms Dudfield with ‘disorderly behavior’ and encouraged her to keep her attention grabbing breasts undercover.

Having run out of ideas completely I have decided to write the least original blog post ever…welcome to the 10 worst things about the years 2000 – 2009! (excluding war, terrorism and household appliances).

1. The ‘noughties’

Worst name for a decade ever (so far).

2. Piers Morgan

A vile man with all the personality of a dead badger (see also: Nick Griffin, Jeremy Clarkson)

3. Crocs

Special shoes for special people. You don’t even have to wear shoes, trainers will do or anything that doesn’t make you look like a hospital cleaner.

4. Kate Nash

Annoying, ginger, mockney excuse for a singer. “I hate seagulls and I hate being sick. I hate burning my finger on the toaster and I hate nits.” = music for the mespace generation.

5. Ugg Boots

Proof that girls only care about what other girls think and couldn’t give a monkeys about what men think.

6. Bands getting back together

If you haven’t spoken to each other or made any music for 10 years then you should call your tour the ‘Cashing in before we’re too old tour’.

7. blogs

There are now more blogs than there are people with more than 1 brain cell which explains rubbish posts like this.

8. The ‘Credit Crunch’

The most patronizing bit of dumbing down ever, because people couldn’t possibly understand a word a long and complicated as ‘Recession’.

9. Reality TV

People like to complain about reality TV but we only get what we deserve. If people didn’t watch it they wouldn’t continue to make it.

10. Your mum joining Facebook

A baby seal has been discovered in a garden in kent, 18 miles from the sea. It was found rolling around in the snow by Harriet Dwyer after swimming up the river Rother, which meets the English Channel at Rye. Harriet told her father who thought that perhaps she had been at the mulled wine.

“My daughter was out with our dog Jack in the snow when she came in and said ‘There’s a seal in the garden’. I said ‘No, it must be an otter’. We all went out and under the hedge was a seal looking quite chirpy and slithering around in the snow.”

”I went back indoors and rang the RSPCA and police. The seal made its way across the garden into the pond, where it sat happily staring out of the pond in an enchanting way with its eyes just above the water.”

The RSPCA took the young pup to the Mallydams Wood Wildlife Centre in Hastings and named him Gulliver. The seal had a tag indicating that he was from a rehabilitation centre at Ostend, Belgium.